I'm fairly dense. Those who know me will confirm this. There's much that God had taught me in the past that I'd forgotten. Or possibly chosen to ignore? I dunno. Either way, I was acting like a fool.
I was trying to make God fit into the philosophies that I'd grown fond of, those that appealed to me. And when I couldn't reconcile the God of Scripture with my all-too-reasonable and well-thought-out worldview, I despaired. Surely I couldn't be wrong in my logic and reasonings?!
What had really happened to me was bigger than just doubts. I'd grown to always start with the premise of suspicion in regards to my Creator. (We all do, on some level.) I held God as guilty until proven innocent. I didn't really trust Him at all.
If you have time, give these two videos a watch. They're about an hour long, all together. It's my friend Andrew Olsen introducing some healthy ways to re-examine how we relate to and understand God. It's a breath of fresh air.
I have to agree with Teresa of Avila when she said, "The feeling remains that God is on the journey, too." And what a journey!? We're only as alone as we choose to be.